It doesn’t have to be elaborate
I don’t care for fancy dates
but if he says,
"Hey let’s grab some coffee, my treat."
"I need to buy a sweater, help me choose?"
"I haven’t seen you in awhile, Let’s go watch a movie."
It sounds a lot better than
"I don’t know, what do you want to do choose"
I’ve learned that sometimes the hardest workers can still be unnoticed even with the extra drive. Life can be so unfair.Sep292013
I just want some chocolate chip waffles with strawberries and vanilla ice cream to make me feel better.Sep152013
“Tell me how long it takes,
To fill an empty heart,
To let it wash away and take it back, take it back.
Back to the way we burned
Like we were falling stars.
Tell me how long it takes to
Take it back; take it back, back to the start.”
- Back To The Start - The Summer SetSep082013
Today, I woke up early to repply and as soon as I was about to submit, I found out I missed it by a day.
I should’ve been on it but I honestly forgot.
Silly to say but I literally started to cry knowing it was too late for me to apply. It’s already bad enough I already feel out of place but now I definitely have nothing to do.
Lately, after all these years or attending school I actually realized I like school.
I mean I know it’s weird but I guess I never thought I really cared about school until now.
Even though I was bullied in elementary school, had to wear braces all my middle school years, and gained perfect attendance in high school, I never thought I really cared about it so much.
The worst part that hurt the most is when I finally had to tell my Dad when he asked me about classes at the school I was supposed to attend this Fall. It was short but I know deep inside, he really disappointed knowing that his youngest and only kid that really got to attend college, is still stuck in a community.
I know I shouldn’t even complain here but if I actually talk about this whole thing, I probably just look like a stupid idiot that should’ve known better.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I used to be the person who always told others to go for your dreams and try to get a high education, even if it takes time. Now I’m in the spotlight, in the same situation except I feel more upset every time I think about it.
I just hurts when someone asks me “How are you?,” even though I tell them I’m good, I’m honestly not okay.
*Sorry for this late night rant. I know hearing people complain is annoying but it’s just something I needed to get off my chest.Sep022013
I got 99 problems and college is definitely one.Aug162013
- Ever since my news about school came about a couple weeks ago, I’ve never felt so disappointed in myself. It’s not something I really like talking about and honestly have only mentioned it to a few people. As much as I would like to talk about it, I don’t think people would understand. I can’t even give the courage to tell my own Dad. It just hurt’s me inside.
- Since one of my older brothers got rushed to the hospital and had to get immediate surgery on his appendix last week, I have gotten to the point where I am beginning to take more time with my family. Not like I haven’t been around my family a lot of anything, but I just feel a little superstitious now.
- This last month, I have heard about too many lives cut short. At night sometimes I think about all my friends and family that have passed away over the years and just cry. I’m never the person to show any real emotion but deep inside, it just hurts to just see someone go.
- Lately, I’ve been feeling more and more distant to my friends. Replaying my life three years ago all over again.
I’ve come to realization that I’m always going to be the only one from all my friends who doesn’t have a boyfriend or isn’t dating anyone. Story of my life.Jun162013
This year, I don’t really have anything crazy planned since everyone I know is still in school or have their spring breaks right after mines. I guess these are somethings I hope to do, even though they are not that exciting.
- Have a latte and waffle at a coffee shop
- Watch a foreign film
- Finish and catch up with Once Upon A Time
- Visit an old high school teacher to catch up and update with life
- Go running
- Retouch, dye and trim off some hair
- Finally get a car wash!
- Possibly get a oil change
- Finish “Grey” by Pete Wentz
- Look for another bathing suit
- Watch and finish the rest of Dexter
- Go somewhere outside of the city?
- Visit CSULB
- Be more boring
One day I hope to have a date with a nice guy at a coffee shop and talk about life. Until then, I’ll just go to Starbucks and take it to go.Mar012013
After anxiously waiting, I finally got an email saying I got accepted to CSULB.
Even though I am excited that I got in it’s now really sinking in that this is actually really happening.
When I think about college, these last four years have been a big adventure. I never thought I would even come across to even transferring. I know that I’m probably behind since I know tons of people, who graduated my year of high school, graduating with their Bachelor’s from a Cal State or a UC. Unlike the others, I’m only graduating from a community college with just Associate Degrees, moving on to another school to get my Bachelor’s.
I do admit, sometimes I do get upset with myself because my original plan was to transfer our of a community college after two years and move on to a higher education to become a sculpture or a history teacher. Of course, over time people and things change, things get slower, and don’t go exactly how you want. I never told anyone this but inside, I used to be upset with myself because of it. I do admit, there are times where I slacked off and I even had to retake 3-4 classes because of it (and I am not proud of it) I spent four years where I honestly could’ve left with less than three.
Giving this an example, my point is, I’m not perfect. I’m not a genius or anything but this last year, actually working hard for it pays off. It took me a while but now when I think of it, I’m glad I did. These last few years made me realize what I really want to do with my life and my future. I’m not saying I don’t want to be a teacher, but taking the time and being patient allows you to figure out and realize what you really want.
I know some people feel as if they are never going to make it, transfer, graduate, or even make it through the semester but you can do it. Some people can’t do school but thats okay, it’s not for everyone. However, it is important to realize that if you feel like you are behind or it will never end, you are not alone.
Don’t get me wrong, my thoughts of transferring to a “Big Kid School,” still scare the living crap out of me. However, not I just have to decide where I really want to transfer to. Hopefully I make one up really soon.
**Small side note, congrats to anyone to transfers or graduates this semester/year. You made it this far and you should be really proud. I wish I was already in your shoes. For anyone who didn’t get accepted or still feel behind, you are not alone. I was once in your shoes so I know how it feels. Just work harder and eventually it will pay off.Feb252013
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